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March 14 March MadnessHello Everyone!
Wow, almost 3 months later and here I am. This is my last semester as a sophomore. I can't believe how old I am getting...I always thought that when you hit your 20's that you would automatically feel like an adult. I was wrong.
How am I you ask? Well, I'm still not so hot. I have good days and bad days. Stephen has been coming home a lot. I love seeing him. The only bad thing is that I work so hard on not thinking about him and concentrating on other things while he is at Purdue that when he comes home I loose everything I"ve worked on. I feel strong and confident in my decision of ending it when he is not in sight, but when he is with me I always doubt myself. Isn't that how life goes though? It's easy to do what is right when you have no temptation dangling in front of you, but when it is so easily accesable and attractive, THAT is what gives you character when you resist. I"m starting to think that I will have to start avoiding him if he doesn't come around and realize that his place in my life has changed and wallowing in it will not move him foward. As callosed as that sounds, it's the harsh truth. I am losing my strength to say no all the time. Why can't he say no sometimes? It makes me look and feel like the bad guy. I hurt everyday just as much as he does, if not more.
Stephen was also offered a job in Minneapolis (however you spell it). I can't see him just up and moving halfway across the country for a job. He's lived in the same town, city, block and house for all of his 22 years. He is not about to just move like that. He says he is though...scares me.
That's enough of that, I don't want to be any more emotional that I am. Whenever I hear the James Blunt song, "Goodbye My Lover" I ALWAYS cry. It's such a sad song and it nails EXACTLY what we had. (except for the share your bed part) Well, I have 40 pages to read and highlight in my Psych. and Law book so wish me luck. Night everybody!
Person of the day is Stephen. Honey, you know what we had. You know how deep and special it was. Just know that I will never, no matter what forget that, never. I'll be here for you and love you no matter what.
Word of the day is blury. My life feels blury since the breakup. I can't focus on anything and nothing is as happy as it was.
As always, drink your water and this time, have some angel food cake as well. I love angel food cake.
Love you all!
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